One of the major considerations of both crafting with wool and wearing 100% wool garments is the cleansing process. If the wool garment is washed in hot water or subjected to friction, the garment may (and likely will) shrink and felt. Not what you want to happen once the garment is already fitted to you!
Nearly every year, my mother-in-law knits everyone a pair of wool knee socks for winter. They’re gorgeous. A couple years ago, I was folding a pile of laundry and picked up what was once a beautiful woolen knee sock. Only now, the sock wouldn’t fit my daughter, was calf-high, and looked like it had been made of felt. None of the perfectly knit stitches were visible. Imagine my dismay! Yeah, not what you want….
“Grandma socks” as Lily calls them
Until you do! That knit sock was tight, stiff, and smooth, just the right fabric for blocking wind! Now that sock would no longer serve its intended purpose for me, but what if the pattern had been intended to be felted?
After my soul-dog, Bentley June, went to heaven in January, I’d been unable to even pick up my knitting needles. You see, she was always by my side, and most of the things I knit were for her. She dearly loved her sweaters, so much she’d growl-protest when we’d take one off. So, I’d lost interest in knitting and, well, most everything.
For the longest time, I’ve wanted to visit Scotland, to see the scenery of my roots, to yarn shop, and to breathe that North Sea air. I’d joke (only it wasn’t really a joke) that we’d go there for my 40th birthday. With Bentley’s health decline, there was no way I’d leave her. She went to heaven a few months before I turned 40, and by then, I’d lost any desire to go anywhere. Finances wouldn’t allow anyway.
Scottish sheep, photo credit Timothy Boyd, Jr.
But, my father and brother toured a woolery in Scotland this summer, and my brother brought back wool yarn for me! From Scotland! The yarn is beautiful and full of significance, so with my interest piqued, I immediately started looking for a project pattern—I knew I wanted to use a pattern from my Norwegian friend, Une’s book, Happy Nordic Knits. See, Une lost her precious soul-dog, Juster, shortly before I lost Bentley. I imagine they’re talking about yarn colors and their fancy sweaters in heaven.
I chose Une’s pattern for a felted neck warmer. Yes, felted. Intentionally. The felting process is probably nerve-wracking for a lot of knitters because it isn’t always predictable—like my unintentional felted sock. When the pattern is designed to be felted, though, adjustments are made and safeguards are in place.
I quickly knit up the neck warmer and began the felting process. There’s more than one way to felt a wool garment, but I chose to hand felt. I filled the sink with hot water, added a bit of wool soap, and soaked my finished project. Then, I began to rub and rub, adding friction to the entire surface. The wool fibers began to felt together to create a stronger, more durable fabric better able to guard against cold and wind.
Happy Nordic Knits pattern book by UneCast on in Knockando wool yarnKnitting in the roundKnitting completeHot water and wool soap soakSoakingFeltingDryingDried and lightly felted
As I was felting the wool, Holy Spirit showed me how this process exemplifies our personal strengthening. The hot water is symbolic of being in uncomfortable and often unfavorable circumstances. And the friction is like the tension that builds strength and resilience, all equipping us to better follow Jesus and withstand life’s storms.
Une in her Bitter Cold Neck Warmer, from Happy Nordic Knits (Isn’t she just the cutest?)
Lily and I are part of a wonderful Bible Study with a group of sweet ladies. We just started a new study on The Armor of God by Pricilla Shirer, and discussion came up about how it’s often in the mundane, ordinarily moments when God meets us. Do you feel that too? I immediately thought about how God spoke to me while felting wool—ordinary, mundane, boring even, but He showed up and spoke life into me at just the moment I needed to hear that truth. Isn’t our God exquisitely masterful and creative?!
What are some ways God has met you in the ordinary, everyday moments of life? What are some of the truths He’s spoken to you? How can you share those truths with others? Because here’s the thing: love is best given away.
*in memory of Bentley and Juster
**This is in no way sponsored because I call Une friend, but if you’re a knitter, please support her and shop her patterns and kits. Some are downloadable immediately. Une is super talented and shares her life story throughout her knitting pattern books—trust me, you want to follow along her journey, see the breathtaking views, and knit her creative designs!
I’ve been asked this question so many times over the past couple weeks, and my answer remains the same. Yes. Yes, I do.
Whether you’ve seen local news or widespread social media articles, you’ve probably been made aware of our church’s abrupt leadership transition. For many in our church family, our elder and executive teams, and our former pastor and family, this month has been excruciatingly painful. There’s a lot of questions and uncertainty. This little missive won’t address accusations, circulate gossip, or formulate speculations—it’s to share my heart and to share what God taught me. {You’re welcome to go to Northview Church’s website and read the exact same letter and elder updates}
I was outside, on one of the two heat advised days we had this month, sipping water beneath the driveway viburnum tree. Lily and I had been pickleball-ing, and I nearly simultaneously received a text from my husband and an email from my church. The email-letter stated our Senior Pastor had been fired effective immediately due to repeated patterns of toxic leadership and misconduct. Not long after reading the email from our elders, our local newspaper posted an article with much of the same content. And the texts began trickling in—“Hey, isn’t this your church?”
Yes. Yes it is.
And I stand by my church. Because, it’s like Chris Tomlin wrote, “above all thrones and dominions, all powers and positions, Your name stands above them all.” It’s God’s house.
Northview Carmel Campus, along southern border
With all the accusations and vitriol and rumors swirling, Holy Spirit whispered again and again, “A win for one of us is a win for all of us, and a loss for one of us is a loss for all of us.” Every believer is a member of one body, the Church, the Bride of Christ. When one of us hurts, we all hurt. Regardless of why my pastor’s job was terminated, I love my pastor and his family and have forgiven whether or not there’s ever an apology. That’s how grace works, folks. It’s unmerited or undeserved favor. We serve a God of restoration and redemption! Sitting out on the back deck swing with Rudy, I likened this ache in our church family to having a broken leg. When the leg, part of the body, is broken, it’s weak and tender. The one with a broken leg doesn’t continue to abuse the broken, painful part, but, rather, nurtures the broken back to health. Instead of speculate, let’s choose to supplicate. I invite you to join me, along with our church, to intercede and pray for healing—for leadership, for the Johnson family, for the global Church, for wisdom, and for forgiveness. Supplicate.
Supplication: the act of earnestly asking God for help in a humble way
Last week, after dropping off Lily for camp, I tucked into this serene corner of Northview’s Carmel campus, opened my Bible, and began my prayer time. A bit later, I walked the perimeter of the property while praying fervently for the aforementioned requests, adding on prayer for the children at camp and their counselors. I poured out my words, my requests, my tears, and my heart. Later that evening, I was sharing with Rudy, and he asked, “in your prayer-walk, what did God say to you?”
Mic drop.
Sheepishly, I answered, “you know, I think I did most of the talking.” Ouch.
The next morning, I dropped off Lily at camp and began the same routine. Bible and devotional study by the fountain. Tea from Capstone (shameless plug—the peach green tea is fabulous…as is the iced strawberry shortcake latte). Prayer-walk.
Only this time, I had an intentionally different approach. This time, I listened. What God taught me was so relevant and simply profound (how’s that for an oxymoron?). Along Main Street, near the Northview Church sign, God reminded me of what Pastor Mark Crull said the weekend prior—God is Sovereign; He either ordained this or allowed this. Either way, He already knew, and He already had a plan in place.
If you’re unfamiliar with the area, Northview Carmel Campus is located in Hamilton County. More specifically, Northview’s campus is built on the highest point, elevation-wise, of Hamilton County, Indiana. This is relevant because that means that during a prayer-walk, half the trek is uphill—either way you choose. For me, my uphill portion began near the softball fields. Once I was just about to the Barn and Student Center area, God really started teaching. He showed me how, for our church, we’re in an uphill climb right now. But every hill has a summit, and we’ll get there with time and consistency. The real growth takes place in the climbing though. New growth comes from the endurance of the struggle and the breaking. Do you realize how muscles are built? Without getting into all the chemical reactions and amino acids, etc., fundamentally, muscles are built due to dealing with resistance. This resistance stretches and strains the muscle until it literally tears the muscle fibers. Then, the body beautifully fuses the fibers back together, which builds the damaged muscle in both size and strength. The fancy word for this is hypertrophy.
What if we allowed this brokenness to create hypertrophy in our church? What if we worked together (fusing and repairing) through the grief, pain, and confusion rather than speculate and divide? The damage has been done, we’re still on the uphill excursion, so let’s fuse together in supplication and love and invite Holy Spirit to flood us—this is how we grow in faith and strength. I love my church. Dearly. This is the house where this wayward daughter found her way back home (that story is for a soon-coming blog).
You’ve probably heard that catchy phrase on a weight loss commercial or read it in a nutrition book. “You are what you eat” is largely true and vital to our holistic wellbeing. As Hippocrates claimed, food is medicine. However, many of the practitioners who use the you-are-what-you-eat tag line to try to sell whatever health product they offer often overlook an equally fundamental truth:
You are what you THINK.
Proverbs 23:7 reads, “For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he…” (KJV). What are you thinking? What thoughts take up space in your mind? What do your thoughts reveal about who you are?
A few months ago, I joined a wellness challenge with a gal I met in my fitness group (see? I value physical wellness too!). One of the daily prompts was to read 10 pages of a non-fiction, wellness-type book. I chose Dr. Caroline Leaf’s book, Cleaning Up Your Mental Mess. Probably around 2 chapters in, I was already taking mental notes for a future blog article. Dr. Leaf’s book was just that good. Challenge: borrow or buy the book and commit to reading it! There’s a fascinating 2-minute quiz by Leaf titled, “How Messy is Your Mind” if you’re into self-evaluation.
Dr. Leaf’s method of mind (not just brain) renewal uses the Neurocycle, which is a 63-day program using 5 steps to manage the mind, detoxify the brain, change thinking patterns, and improve mental health. You can check out the steps in her book or via the Neurocycle app. Jude Enajero, from Baylor University, describes Dr. Leaf’s system of mind management as an approach that “recognizes that genuine personal transformation entails the rewiring of neural pathways and the establishment of new, constructive habits” which “not only paves the way for enduring change but also cultivates a more balanced and resilient mental landscape.” Doesn’t that sound so similar to Romans 12:2? Let’s take a peek.
“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect” (ESV, emphasis mine).
Science
Don’t you just appreciate this example of how science proves what God has already taught us in His Word? As a former RN who loved psychiatric nursing, I love studying the brain and all its extraordinary nuances. Dr. Leaf dives deep into the science of how captivating our thoughts changes our brains. Thoughts are associated with the mind, so when we’re renewing our mind, we’re quite literally being transformed. And while in the scientific world, research such as this is touted as ground-breaking, really, it’s what God has told us all along.
The apostle Paul writes in 2 Corinthians 10:5, “We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ, being ready to punish every disobedience, when your obedience is complete” (ESV, emphasis mine).
Scripture
Holy Spirit plays a tremendous role in the renewal of our minds. My 9-year old daughter recently asked me to explain to her the Holy Spirit, and I really had to think long about an explanation. How do you describe Holy Spirit? I feel that so often we’re taught about God the Father and Jesus, but rarely shown who Holy Spirit really is. My pastor, CJ Johnson, puts it beautifully: “The Bible is God’s portrait of the Son painted by the Holy Spirit.” God’s Word was breathed by Holy Spirit’s inspiration. Spirit is author.
So, as I tried to paint my best portrait of the Spirit to Lily Willow, I bumped into the fact that it’s because of the Holy Spirit’s work that we can be transformed by the renewing of our minds. Check this out— “…to put off your old self [because that’s what we’re discussing here, coming as we are, but leaving changed], which belongs to our former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds and to put on the new self [leaving changed], created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness” (Ephesians 4:22-24, emphasis mine).
Like me, maybe you’re considering, “but how?” Again, the apostle Paul informs us in Titus 3:4-6 “but when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and the renewal of the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior” (emphasis mine). So, if the regeneration and renewal is Holy Spirit’s work, what is my part? Let’s take a look at Psalm 51:10-12:
“Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from your presence, and take not your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit.”
AWARENESS & ASSESSMENT: Self-Evaluation
Immediately, I notice some awareness and assessment taking place. This particular psalm was penned by David after being confronted by the prophet Nathan after David committed adultery with Bathsheba. David’s realizing that his unclean mind led to an unclean heart.
APPEAL
After realizing his heart and mind needed transformation, David appealed to God to renew him. He came as he was, encountered God, and left forever changed.
ACCOUNTABILITY
David pleaded with God to stay with him and not take Holy Spirit away. He wished to remain in God’s presence knowing that there was accountability there. David pursued a relationship with God so that there would be that continual renewing of the mind through Holy Spirit (this is how our conscience works).
APPLICATION
Because of his relationship with and accountability to God, David was willing to take the necessary steps to remain changed. Despite his horrible sins, including a murder, God changed David and restored his joy.
My husband has several long term friendships with a couple individuals who have wildly different worldviews than Rudy. Recently, he was in a conversation with a lady where some hot political and Christian-related topics came up. This lady, who does not hold a biblical worldview asked Rudy, “Do you mean to tell me if a pedophile was on his deathbed and asked forgiveness, he’d go to heaven?!” And Rudy vehemently answered, “yes!” Our God is just that good! There are no limits or exceptions to His love and forgiveness, and we can come to Him and be truly, radically changed. Renewal, the putting off of the old self and putting on of the new self, begins in the MIND by the Spirit.
What does it look like to be transformed by the renewing of the mind? I end here with where I started—the question:
What are you thinking?
1. Using David’s example in Psalm 51:10-12 as a guide, the first step is to self-evaluate through assessment. Confession—remember Dr. Leaf’s 2-minute quiz “How Messy is Your Mind?” I scored a 20, which the quiz determined as a Slightly Messy Mind. Obviously, I need to tend to some mind-renewing!
My results
2. The second step is to appeal for help. This year, I’m reading through Charlotte Gambill’s yearlong devotional Breathe. A couple days ago, Charlotte shared a story where she noticed the question “How’s my driving” pasted on the back of a semi-truck. Charlotte applied this to her own life by asking herself, “How’s my doing?” She went on to ask those close to her how they felt she was doing, then she could make improvements accordingly. I want to take this just a step further and have us consider together, “How’s my thinking?” Ask those you trust to invest into your life. Ask Holy Spirit—after all, His work is regeneration and renewal!
3. Appealing for help brings us to the third step—accountability. While we come as we are to God and leave changed with Holy Spirit dwelling within and coming along for the ride, so to speak, having a trusted mentor makes the journey go a bit more smoothly. Having an accountability partner keeps awareness on your thoughts.
4. The final step is application. What is a practical way we can apply what we’ve learned about our minds through self-assessment, appeal, and accountability? The apostle Paul effectively answers this question in Philippians 4:8-9:
“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things…practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.”
Aren’t you glad he wrote to practice these things? Not get them right the first time, not to get them perfect, but to practice these things. Practice requires action and effort; a continuous renewal. Find an accountability partner and/or talk to God about your thoughts. He made your beautiful mind; He cares! Set aside some time for reflection and evaluation using Philippians 4:8 as a guideline:
Is what I’m thinking…
True?
Honorable?
Just?
Pure?
Lovely?
Commendable?
Excellent?
Worthy of Praise?
If not, practice. Practice doesn’t always make perfect, but practice does always make progress.
In the previous blog, I mentioned that this blog would focus on being a new creation in Christ. When I started writing, I felt led in a different direction. This mind-renewal matter has been on my mind and heart for months, and now is the time to share what Holy Spirit has been teaching me. Unless I’m led on a different path again, I’ll pick up with some thoughts about being a new creation next blog. But, thinking about it, transformation and new creation are parts of the same whole, right? ;).
Have you ever wanted to change your name? Maybe you no longer want to associate with who you were? Or maybe the meaning of your name makes you cringe because that description isn’t one you aspire to? How about the anticipation of taking on a married name?
I recently read a book where a supporting character unofficially changed her name, but her name change was only to reflect her change in identity. The character felt her given name didn’t suit her and she’d outgrown it. The more I’ve thought about that, the more I’m convinced that the name change always indicates an identity change. This concept is not foreign to God. Time after time in the Bible one reads where God renames individuals—to grow them into who they are in Him.
Here’s a list of a few people renamed by God:
From Abram “Exalted Father” to Abraham “Father of a Multitude” (Genesis 17:1-5)
From Sarai “Princess” (limited) to Sarah “Princess” (universal; or mother of nations) (Genesis 17:15)
From Jacob “Deceiver” to Israel “He Who Strives with God” (Genesis 38:28)
From Solomon “Peaceable” to Jedediah “Beloved of the Lord” (2 Samuel 12:24)
From Simon “Hears” to Peter “Rock” (John 1:42)
In my previous blog article, Come As You Are, I described how encountering Jesus leaves one changed. Have you ever considered how God longs to rename you (and me)? Once we accept Jesus, God calls us His children. His. Revelation 2:17 promises, “To the one who conquers I will give…him a white stone, with a new name written on the stone that no one knows except the one who receives it” (emphasis mine). This is a love name from Jesus that signifies a changed existence, a changed identity.
Two days ago, I picked up my prayer time scripture reading in Isaiah 62. Verse 1 began “…I will not keep silent…I will not be quiet…” (ESV), and I was already wide-eyed and open-eared, rapt with attention. Then, then, I read on to the end of verse 2: “…and you shall be called by a new name that the mouth of the Lord will give” (emphasis mine). Immediately, I penned in a bold exclamation point! As I lingered and read on, the passage became even more moving. Just listen to this exquisite description Isaiah paints of this name change—“You shall be a crown of beauty in the hand of the LORD, and a royal diadem in the hand of your God. You shall no more be termed Forsaken, and your land shall no more be termed Desolate, but you shall be called My Delight Is in Her, and your land Married; for the LORD delights in you, and your land shall be married. For as a young man marries a young woman, so shall your sons marry you, and as the bridegroom rejoices over the bride, so shall your God rejoice over you” (Isaiah 62:3-5). Isn’t that breathtaking?!
If God, like the biblical examples above, changed your name to reflect your purpose or identity, what would He name you? What does your given name mean? From where did your name originate? I love learning the origins and meanings behind names. My husband has a strong German name—Rudolph Robert Burke. He’s named after his grandfather who immigrated from Germany (Rudolph) and his German great uncle, Robert. Rudolph means “wolf,” while Robert symbolizes “bright glory.”
Grandpa Rudolph before leaving GermanyGrandpa Rudolph after arrival to the USGreat Uncle Robert in GermanyMy Rudy
Burke, obviously, is a family surname (meaning “fortress” or “stronghold”), but that name also tells a story. Back in Germany, Burke had a different spelling. Upon arrival to the United States at Ellis Island, Grandpa Rudolph was advised to change the spelling of Germanic Berke to the Irish spelling Burke as to deflect association with Germany because of World War I. And I am wholeheartedly grateful for this saving name change because two generations later, God gave me Rudy as my fortress and stronghold on earth. He is my safe place, a wolf guarding his “pack” fiercely.
Being a servant-example to Lily at churchWolf Park, Battle Ground, INCincinnati Zoo
Names identify us. Names tell our stories. And most importantly, names were created by and matter to God. You matter.
As children of God, we are now identified with Jesus (John 1:12). Romans 8:16-17 defines us that “we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ.” So, who are we? What is our identity in Christ? Any list makers out there reading this? I’m a list maker. I have lists to make lists (I know, I know), but I need the minimalistic, at-a-glance organization a list provides. To save you the time and effort (wink, wink), I jotted down a quick list of some qualifiers for our God-given identity in Jesus. Seriously, though, I challenge you to flip through scripture and form your own list, a list more detailed and personalized than mine here!
Who I Am in Christ:
Child of God
Daughter
Son
Beloved
Friend
Heir
Chosen
Light
Branch
Delight
Free
Known
Loved
Child of the Day
Saint
Redeemed
Masterpiece
Bride
Seen
Strong
Conqueror
Justified
Forgiven
Workmanship
Salt
Precious
Temple
Anointed
New Creation
The new creation identification is particularly relevant to this conversation because this description encompasses the whole idea that once we come as we are to Jesus, we leave forever changed. “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come” (2 Corinthians 5:17). I don’t know about you, but there’s a whole lot of old that I both want and need to be done away with! I am evermore grateful that God is making me into a new person in Jesus.
And, that, my friends, is the topic for next time—new creations! Until then, please comment below or send me an email sharing the origin and meaning of your name. I’d be fascinated! And one more thing—to share or to journal just for you, which of the “Who I Am in Christ” names do you most resonate with and why? Which do you struggle to embrace or live out? Let’s grow and become together.
One of the major considerations of both crafting with wool and wearing 100% wool garments is the cleansing process. If the wool garment is washed in hot water or subjected to friction, the garment may (and likely will) shrink and felt. Not what you want to happen once the garment is already fitted to you!… Read more: Felted: Without the Struggle There Would Be No Strength
And my brain immediately followed up the invitation with… “But Don’t Stay As You Came!” Isn’t that the true invitation? You are welcome, YES, but once you meet this God-man, Jesus, you will be forever changed.
For 5 or so years, we’ve actually had a backdoor welcome mat that displays that identical phrase—Come As You Are. The coconut fiber mat’s words have now faded, and that’s okay, because what I really want to invite you to is a home, a place, where you are always, always welcome as you are, but I hope you will leave my home changed—full of hope, peace, joy, light, healing, known, loved.
If you know me at all, you know that my morning tea time with Jesus is my favorite time of day. I crave God’s Word. His Word, the Bible, is powerful, ALIVE, relevant, fascinating, and so much more. I pray you leave this little page of thoughts hungry to discover Jesus for yourself. In the Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John), you walk along with Jesus and His disciples. These four books detail Jesus’ life on earth. And what’s remarkable is that in every encounter with Jesus, people left changed.
At the beginning of His 3-year ministry, Jesus launched in with an invitation to some gnarly, ordinary fishermen: “Follow me.” And the amazing thing is that they did, immediately, no questions asked. What didn’t happen was Jesus giving them a list of alterations to make beforehand. Just a simple invitation, “Come.” But He never intended for them to stay as they came; He taught them, grew them, matured them (maybe? Looking at you, Peter!), and literally loved them right to death. Then! The last words Jesus spoke to these gnarly, ordinary former fishermen were a commission: “Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age” (Matthew 28:19-20). These men came as they wereBUTthey were forever changed. And, then, Jesus commissions them to go out and teach everyone how to be changed. My Jesus is so creative, so welcoming, and so, so good. Our pastor, CJ Johnson, often makes this statement that I appreciate immensely, “I’m just one beggar telling another beggar where I found the crumbs!” We come as we are, hungry, but leave changed—filled, strengthened, renewed!
Jesus, of course, being Bread of Life, is more than crumbs; He’s the whole loaf. There are so many layers of Jesus. The more time spent with Him, the more there is to discover. He didn’t just invite those fishermen. Jesus also invited tax collectors, accountants, political activists, and you.
“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls” (Matthew 11:28-29, ESV).
All who labor and are heavy laden—doesn’t every single one of us fit into this category? With current events, illnesses, financial struggles, broken relationships, aren’t we all burdened? And Jesus sweetly offers an invitation to come as we are, but leave changed. We don’t need to change or fix anything first, just come. He promised to do the rest, which is just that, to give us rest. Encountering Jesus changes everything. Let’s take a look at a few examples.
Coming to Jesus Takes Us From:
Weariness to Rest
Death to Life
Darkness to Light
Blindness to Sight
Lost to Found
Sick to Healed
Lame to Walking
Broken to Whole
Hungry to Filled
Weak to Strong
Sin-filled to Forgiven
Captive to Free
My favorite verse in the entire Bible is Romans 5:8, “—but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (ESV). I didn’t have to change anything at all before He literally loved me all the way to death. My debt was paid, I only needed to “come.” But, the passage doesn’t end there! Verses 9-11 go on to describe our change, “Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God. For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled shall we be saved by his life. More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation” (emphasis mine).
There’s a song by Maverick City Music and UPPERROOM that beautifully paints a poetic picture of how coming to Jesus as we are doesn’t leave us where we were. Take your time reading through the lyrics, then soak in them. Finally, listen to the song—it’s a masterpiece!
I Thank God
Maverick City Music & UPPERROOM, Jesse Cline, Maryanne George, Dante Brown, Aaron Moses, Enrique Holmes, and Chuck Butler
Wandering into the night
Wanting a place to hide
This weary soul, this bag of bones
I tried with all my might
But I just can’t win the fight
I’m slowly drifting
Oh, vagabond
And just when I ran out of road
I met a man I didn’t know
And He told me that I was not alone
He picked me up
He turned me around
And placed my feet on solid ground
I thank the Master
I thank the Savior
Because He healed my heart
And changed my name
Forever free, I am not the same
I thank the Master
I thank the Savior
I thank God
I cannot deny what I’ve seen
Got no choice but to believe
My doubts are burning
Like ashes in the wind
So, so long to my old friends
Burden and bitterness
You can just keep them moving
For you ain’t welcome here
From now ‘til I walk the streets of gold
I’ll sing of how You saved my soul
This wayward son has found his way back home
He picked me up
He turned me around
He placed my feet on solid ground
I thank the Master
I thank the Savior
Because He healed my heart
And changed my name
Forever free, I’m not the same
I thank the Master
I thank the Savior
I thank God
This song has a uniquely significant meaning to me that I’ll share in a future blog post, but for now, let’s just reflect on the masterful theology of our unchanging God who changes us! Stare at the line “and changed my name” for a while. Who were you before encountering Jesus? Who are you now? If you’ve not personally bumped into Jesus, who are you? Who would you like to become? Biblical names were (and are) significant, often closely tied to one’s character—for example, “Jacob” meant “deceiver,” and, wow, just take a look at his deceit-filled life! You can read all about it in Genesis 26-50. God is the ultimate people changer and name changer, and He’s brilliantly masterful in His naming of His children.
Lily Willow’s baptism (after)
{*This blog post is the first in a series of Come As You Are…but Don’t Stay As You Came posts. Next blog will be focused on God as Name-Changer. Stay tuned!*}
It was on a Monday, the Monday before that Tuesday. The Tuesday that would be the six week anniversary of the hardest goodbye I’ve ever had to make—holding my Bentley-girl as she took her last breath. Death isn’t a stranger to me, but hers was the most profound. Losing Bentley felt like losing a part of me; I’m no longer whole. Tears rivulet at the most random and awkward moments. Grief isn’t something to be rushed. Feelings must be properly felt to be properly dealt with—and that is a healthy part of grieving.
There’s a quote attributed to Queen Elizabeth II that I’ve not been able to shake from my thoughts: Grief is the price we pay for love. And isn’t it though? When you’re aching so viscerally that your heart feels shredded, you know, you know, you loved deeply.
Tuesdays, I’ve began to dread them. Tuesdays mark that another week has passed without her presence here by my side, gentle snores, waggly-tail walks, comforting nudges, vocally demanding snacks, snuggling extra close. I spend Tuesdays mostly catatonic—unapologetically. And while I, perhaps, feel misunderstood at times, I know I’m seen and understood by the One who knows me most and loves me best. He’s proven it.
So back to the Monday, the one before that Tuesday— I was reading through Isaiah 37 and 38 about Sennacherib’s fall and Hezekiah’s illness (and miracle!). Aren’t those quite the names?! They’re characters in quite the story too. Sit down with a cup of tea and your favorite Bible and read this story. Look for the miracle (no spoiler alerts). One of my favorite authors, Wendy Speake, writes that “those who know the Word of God are more likely to know the voice of God.” While I’m in the middle of reading about these battles and angels and prophecies and sicknesses, I read a verse that slams into my heart, making my pulse race, and I pause to go back and read it again and again and again.
“…Thus says the LORD, the God of David your father: I have heard your prayer; I have seen your tears….”(Isaiah 38:5 ESV, emphasis mine).
That was enough, all I needed. Being misunderstood or feeling pressured to grieve or not grieve a certain way doesn’t matter. What matters is this love-letter whisper from my Abba: I have seen your tears. I’m seen, held, loved, understood, and it is enough. More than enough.
Today marks eight weeks. He still sees my tears, and He still holds me close. Thank you, Abba. Love, Me.
Four weeks. Today marks four weeks that I lost my heart. You. You were my heart, my whole world, for so long. I loved you before I even met you. I remember the day Grandmommy and Pop pops told me I was going to get you; we were having a family menu-planning session. Exasperated, I cried out, “I can’t think about it! All I can think about is puppy!” It was my 26th birthday, and when I came home from work, there was a framed photo of a beagle puppy announcing you’d be mine in just a few weeks. From that moment on, you were my world. I had to wait four long weeks to meet you, and now, it’s been four excruciatingly long weeks after saying goodbye.
Our first day togetherOur last day together (on earth)
Very few people understand our profound bond. I was in a dark place when God sent you into my life. I was in the midst of 8 grueling months of therapy for eating disorders and suicidal ideation and attempt. I’ve never shared with anyone the details of therapy, not even my little family, but those were intense times. I couldn’t see a way through, all I could think about was ending my life to end the pain. Therapy was simultaneously brutal and relieving, but let’s not go there now. You knew.
Then, June 2, 2012, everything changed.
I met you.
You were there, with your lemon and white mama beagle and your tri-colored sister, backed in a corner of pine shavings. Characteristic of you, stubbornly, you wouldn’t budge from that corner. Unreachable. But you’d already reached my heart and burrowed way down deep. A few moments later, you were in my arms, and we’ve been nearly inseparable since.
Days were brighter, you were my sunshine. Your immediate and unconditional love wrapped around me and gave life meaning and purpose. Taking care of you and loving you was my purpose. That summer, you saved me from suicide. You knew. I knew. No one else needs to know the details, but our bond was forged and is even yet unbreakable.
You were with me through so many of the big moments of my life—graduating with my RN BSN (thank you for helping me study; your gentle snores kept me on task), dating and marrying Daddy-Rudy (thank you for being a part of my wedding!), having a baby girl (thank you for taking your guard duty so seriously), losing all my grandparents (thank you for being the ever-present sunshine), and for all the in-betweens. You were always there. You’ve always been there.
Ironically, for a writer, this is strangely difficult to write. I think because there’s just so much. How could I ever condense nearly 14 years of memories into a simple blog? Almost every memory includes you. If you couldn’t go somewhere, I almost always refused to go. You were my safe place, my best buddy, my emotional support. I didn’t have you trained to be “official,” and it always irked me to see service dogs in public places where you were unwelcome because though you weren’t official, you were mine. We knew. You understood me and intuitively knew what I needed. It was always you and your steady breath that calmed me. Bentley, sacrificing events for the past year so I could stay home with you was an honor. Really, there’s no place I’d rather be anyway. I have no regrets on missing out on things—I had you, which is all I really wanted. You were love on four legs with a dancing tail and flopsy ears.
You loved us so big and so well. And how we loved you. When you were 3, we added Daddy to our little family. Then, when you were 4, we added Lily Willow. You approved of them both! When you were still able, every evening around 6:00, you’d perch on the back of the couch and look for Daddy to come home. As soon as you heard his noisy truck, you’d start your “arooooorooooorooooos.” When you were no longer able to jump up on the furniture, you’d still hear his truck coming and call out your greeting. I miss it all. On your 10th birthday, Luna was born, so we added her to our little family. Then, finally, Ruby completed us when you were 12. I loved calling you “The Matriarch.”
I’m constantly bumping into the little pieces of you and memories you left behind. Last night, I finally rolled out my yoga mat, the one that was your favorite, and there were tiny Bentley-hairs all over it. Bittersweet. You’re still making me smile. It’s lonely on the mat now, though, and in my bed and in the kitchen and on the bath mat when I get out of the shower and on the deck and in my car (front seat will always be yours) and everywhere. You were always, always with me.
I don’t just notice your absence, D, I feel it. Four weeks ago, we all walked into the vet with you not realizing we’d be leaving without you. Yes, there were signs of aging, but you’d overcome so much. After I saw your x-ray image and understood what you were struggling with, I couldn’t comprehend how you were breathing or walking. I still can’t. Bentley-girl, you’re the strongest one I know. You had a solid tumor half as big as you, but you still wanted to walk with us rather than ride in your doggy-stroller. You were deathly anemic, but you still refused to potty in the house and went outside down the stairs anyway—even in subzero weather. You had arthritis, but still chose to come along on our long walk days. You battled seizures, at least 3 strokes, dementia, and partial blindness, but you still carried on. You never complained or seemed in pain. I even asked Dr. Carter that day if you were in pain because you hid it really well. All you wanted was to be where I was and make me happy.
You did, Bentley bear. You did. You were my joy and my sunshine, and you went well above and beyond. To me, you were perfect in every single way. You were for me, I was for you, and we were for each other. God knew what I needed—and He gave me you.
Letting you go was the hardest moment of my life, and I’m not sure I’ll ever go a day without crying from missing you—it’s visceral. For now, that’s all I want to share publicly. Most of our memories are just that, ours. And I’ll treasure every single one of them, Bentley. Even the times you were naughty because like Daddy always says, you can get away with anything with Mommy (of course you could!).
You were never, ever, just a dog; you were always family. I’m ever so grateful God chose you for me and me for you. And now, He’s the only One holding me together. I love you bigger than the whole sky and I love you the best—the biggest and the best and more than all the rest. Forever.
I no longer make resolutions every December 31. You know, the long list of unrealistic goals, dreams, and plans? I’m all about dreaming big, creating plans, and setting goals, but instead of scribbling out this self-absorbed (usually) list, I resolve, instead, to just walk daily with Jesus by faith. Does that mean no preparation or planning or dreaming audacious dreams? Absolutely not! Instead of a list, I write prayers. Jesus and I plan and dream together. I don’t need to be a new me. I’m already a new creation in Christ. What I really need is to be less like me and more like Him.
Rather than resolutions for 2026, my prayer is simply this (thank you, thank you, Brandon Lake and Mitch Wong, for this prayer-song):
All on the altar Surrendered again Freely I lay down My everything This is my honor The gift that I bring
I will be a living sacrifice All my heart and soul to glorify I offer nothing less than all my life For Jesus Christ
I just want to bless you Whatever it takes Oh, with my mind and my body My spirit and my strength If you are fire Then set me ablaze
And I will be a living sacrifice All my heart and soul to glorify I offer nothing less than all my life For Jesus Christ, oh
I’ll give you all, give you all of my worship Fall fire fall, fire fall come consume it I’ll give you all, give you all of my worship Fall fire fall, fire fall come consume it I’ll give you all, give you all of my worship Fall fire fall, fire fall come consume it, God I’ll give you all, give you all of my worship Fall fire fall, fire fall
And I will be a living sacrifice All my heart and soul to glorify I offer nothing less than all my life For Jesus Christ
So I will be a living sacrifice All my heart and soul to glorify I offer nothing less than all my life For Jesus Christ, oh, yeah
I’ll give you all, give you all of my worship Fall fire fall, fire fall come consume it I’ll give you all, give you all of my worship Fall fire fall, fire fall come consume it
I’ll give you all, give you all of my worship Fall fire fall, fire fall
I’ll give you all, give you all of my worship Fall fire fall, fire fall come consume I’ll give you all, give you all of my worship Fall fire fall, fire fall
So I’ll give you all, give you all of my worship Fall fire fall, fire fall
And I will be a living sacrifice All my heart and soul to glorify I offer nothing less than all my life For Jesus Christ Amen
Have you ever called someone a “stick-in-the-mud” or have you been called that derogatory nickname yourself? What does that even mean? Oxford Languages English Dictionary defines “stick-in-the-mud” as “a person who is dull and unadventurous and who resists change” (emphasis mine). Allegedly, the phrase originated in the 1700s indicating a carriage with a wooden wheel spoke stuck so that progress forward is impeded. Hmmm, sounds like a resistance to change to me.
We Burke-girls walk a lot, nearly every day. Finding new trails is like a treasure hunt and certainly feels like treasure when found. Earlier this week, Lily and Bentley headed down a newly discovered trail, likely just a deer path, and something caught my eye. This odd swirling pattern in creek water had me captivated for long minutes. Ruby and I set off to catch up with Lily and Bentley, and Holy Spirit was just pouring life lessons into me from that creek eddy. I couldn’t get away from the moment and had to turn back to take a quick video. I’ve been thinking of Holy Spirit’s lesson through nature ever since.
You see, there’s a bit of debris causing the creek water to swirl counter to the main current forming an eddy. The water is stuck in this never ending swirl. Stuck. Stagnant. Resistant to change. Lifeless. Therefore, the water here is cloudy, dank, and dirty. The free-flowing creek water, though, is pure, clean, and clear.
Isn’t that what happens in our lives? Resistance to change and the build up of debris creates captivity, stagnation, and never moving forward. The build up of debris is anything hindering us from change or moving forward, anything holding us back, whatever is keeping us from embracing the path God has for us with rock solid trust.
Charlotte Gambill, in her book BREATHE, states, “no miraculous breakthroughs happen on the back of apathy.” According to Oxford Languages English Dictionary, apathy means a “lack of interest, enthusiasm, or concern.” Sound familiar? To me, apathy sounds a lot like indifference, carelessness, being stuck. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to be stuck. I don’t want anything holding me captive from the life and future God has planned for me!
What may be holding you back? What debris has built up in your life causing a stagnant eddy? What keeps you from clearing the debris so that you may flow freely? Are there any changes you may need to make where you’ve been resistant? What are you holding onto that needs released? What traps or distractions do you need to avoid to stay in the free-flowing current? Are there areas you need to breathe life into? Take a few moments and really consider these questions. Ask Holy Spirit to show you. After all, God is all about wild trust and full freedom!
So, how about unsubscribing from the Stick-in-the-Mud Club? Let’s flow freely together.
We’d just stepped from the chilly ICU, past the detailed nativity (minus a baby Jesus), and into a frosty, December 5th sunrise. Sun was just peeking above the horizon, but those rays shone pillars of hope. Someone handed me a plastic cup of orange juice that felt like glory in a cup, a little bit of life.
The night past had been the longest night of my life and felt like a living, breathing nightmare. Only this one truly was real, and I couldn’t wake up. And he hadn’t woken up—yet. He still had a ventilator tube down his throat and a heart that had literally been in a surgeon’s very own hands a couple hours before.
I went back to take a picture when baby Jesus finally arrived
He’d called me at work, confused, the night before, expressing some strange symptoms. Two clinics and two hospitals later, I kissed him goodbye as the surgical team wheeled him away. Dr. R showed us the images—a severely dissected (ruptured) thoracic aortic aneurysm—and shared how he wasn’t hopeful he’d be able to repair it. I still can see him rolling out of sight—my love, my future, my dreams, my man, all rolled into that bleak OR.
Family and friends gathered, chatting, and ordered food. I didn’t understand how anyone could even entertain the possibility of eating. My stomach, nerves, and chest were so tight, even trying to choke down water was impossible. Instead I wrote a long letter to him, and I prayed. And prayed. And begged. And bargained.
And against all odds, my God heard. He heard, y’all. He had a plan and purpose that transcended all those disbelieving that my Rudy would survive. My God was in that OR eleven years ago guiding Dr. R’s hands, literally cradling my love’s heart. There were complications, yes, but none were too hard or too big or too severe for God.
That baby Jesus wasn’t in the manger yet because aneurysm surgery was all through the night of December 4th. He hadn’t yet arrived. So I imagine, for me, that nightmarish night felt kind of like those ancient people who hadn’t heard from God in so, so long, and they were aching with anticipation and expectation. And with His arrival, all of heaven and creation rejoiced. Then I imagine, for me, that felt a bit like seeing that sunrise of hope after hearing the surgical team share how much worse the aneurysm was than first thought, but that surgery was a success! Because I knew, I knew, Who was in that room, holding Rudy’s heart, breathing life into his lungs, and already smiling about the future years.
December 5, 2014, Rudy had planned to take me to see The Nutcracker Ballet. And, that is one of the first things he remembered after waking up—that he’d be unable to take me. My sister, Leah, bought The Nutcracker on DVD, and Rudy and I (okay, mostly me because he was so medicated) watched it in his ICU room. Because he’s Rudy and very persistent and thorough, he called the box office and explained the situation. They generously gave us tickets for the following year.
And you know what, we went! Rudy, himself, made it out of the chilly ICU, down into a drab step-down room, past the baby Jesus-less manger scene, and into the frosty December, his future, and our life. Since his aneurysm, we’ve made it a point to go see The Nutcracker Ballet every year as a celebration tradition. That year following aneurysm surgery that the ballet so generously provided for? That year, Lily went along in my pregnant belly. God had a plan, and His plan was so good!
This year, the 11th anniversary, we opted to stay home and watch the ballet online due to Bentley’s declining health. Lily and I planned and decorated. We made homemade tomato soup and jalapeño cheddar sourdough. Each of us painted a nutcracker. Being together, celebrating life was, and is, so sacred.
Oh—and we had little teacups of orange juice. Sunshine. Hope.
Hearth & Hive 