Have you ever been on a prayer walk? There’s this 15-ish minute pathway I take whenever I pray and walk. Since I’ve plodded and pleaded so often, my seven-year-old has dubbed the path the “Prayer Walk Route.” It’s a sacred place for me. God and I have had so many deep conversations while flowers blossomed and leaves changed. Those wayside plants have been well watered by tears.

Months and months ago, there was a particularly painful season, and while I continued daily along the Prayer Walk Route, I felt alone. God was quiet. The conversation felt one-sided—just me. Not hearing from God was frustrating. I remember begging for Him to whisper to my soul or even shout at me. Silence.

Still, I carried on. One foot in front of the other. Every single day. Met with more silence, I started begging for a sign, a specific sign. I asked for a four-leaf clover.

Dutch clover, among others, is abundant in our home area. Along my Prayer Walk Route clover is prolific. My honeybees love it! And I always, always look for four-leaf clovers. Who doesn’t want good luck? So, I began bargaining with the clover-Creator, “If You really love me, would You please help me find a four-leaf clover?”

Not one. Even before this I’d always wanted to find one. And I couldn’t understand why, in all the countless hours over three plus decades, I could never find one. As a creative, I see the world in patterns, shapes, and colors—but I couldn’t see a four-leaf clover. Ever.

I remember being on this survival hike, and this lady looked down and found a handful. Siblings found them. Friends found them. A gal in my fitness group finds them by the dozens. My daughter found them. But I couldn’t find one.

My prayer walks began to feel more like burden marathons and pity parties, always asking God to prove His love. But I couldn’t feel it, couldn’t see it.

Until one night, during this stark season of darkness, I heard from God. Sitting outside at a car hop, I glanced up from my strawberry lemonade, and saw these words printed across a stranger’s t-shirt:

Even if You Don’t

My Hope is You Alone

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Those words, lyrics from the MercyMe song Even If, were like light and oxygen and water to my dried up, used up soul. And He whispered that I wasn’t alone, I’d never been alone, because He is my Only, my Alone. And even if I never found the lucky clover, I’d still trust Him, I’d still hope in Him.

Five days after seeing that stranger’s shirt, I decided to walk a different trail. With both beagles and my daughter in tow, we headed out into the sunshine. No destination in mind, we followed the beagles’ noses. It’s a habit for me to pray as I walk, and I can still remember the place where I was praying gratitude to my God for loving me so well. I was filled with thanksgiving and joy, knowing without a doubt that my Abba loved me—and was thanking Him for already proving His love in so many ways. As I was saying those words, the exact moment, I glanced over to check on one of the beagles, and there it was! A four-leaf clover! It was nestled in a verdant sea, but the clover was so obvious as if it were the only one there.

What’s remarkable to me is that it wasn’t until I stopped demanding ultimatums and proof of His love, and until I could just rest and believe in His love, that He gave me this beautiful gift. The way He waited until already believed I was loved before seeing the clover is so much more meaningful.

For me, four-leaf clovers aren’t lucky. They don’t represent good luck. No, for me, the four-leaf clover will forevermore represent good LOVE.