Hearth & Hive

If you’re anything like my little family, this late fall-early winter season has been cruel health wise. No sooner than we get over one illness, another strikes and is consequently passed on to each of us. Life’s cycles, seasons, rhythms change over time, and the past year had many different courses and paces. In trying to adjust to new rhythms, my every-day routine was chaotic at best. I forgot multitudes of things that needed remembered.

I neglected replying to emails, responding to texts, and returning calls. I missed appointments. Music lessons weren’t prepared for, schedules were adjusted and readjusted. Laundry mountained high. And I forgot to fight for my family’s health. Fast food seemed the easiest option many evenings. Tiny doses of multivitamins and cod liver oil weren’t given–for days. Forget giving teaspoons of elderberry tea syrup because I never remembered to make it!

Sometime after the festivities ended and peace returned to days, and my little family was on the fourth or fifth round of colds, I remembered to fight. Counters, light switches, and door knobs were disinfected on my warpath to health, an abrupt halt to fast food was made, and there have been many, many hours spent in the kitchen battling for health and immunity.

I believe fiercely that food can be medicine. Wasn’t it Hippocrates that first discovered that? And tea? Tea is medicinal and healing in so many ways. Different teas, tisanes, and various ingredients may be steeped for all sorts of issues: ginger for nausea, digestion, and immunity; raspberry leaves for women’s cycles; cinnamon for warmth; black tea for energy; matcha for detoxification; lavender for stress relief. These are just a few simple healing benefits of teas and herbs.

During my wake-up call to healing and illness prevention, I remembered to make another batch of elderberry tea syrup. It’s incredibly simple to make, and each ingredient has immune-boosting qualities! If you’ve had a long season of illness as we have, try making this.

Gather a heaping 1 1/2 cups of dried elderberries. Place in a medium saucepan. Chop a knob of fresh ginger. I used a piece about the length of my index finger. No need to peel because you’ll strain the entire tea. Add the chopped ginger to the saucepan of elderberries. Add 2 teaspoons of ground cinnamon, 1 teaspoon of ground cloves, and 4 1/2 cups of filtered water to the saucepan.

Bring mixture to a boil. The berries and ginger pieces will look as if they’re dancing. Then, cover, reduce heat to a simmer, and cook for 1 hour.

When your elderberry tea has simmered, uncover, stir, and let cool. The liquid will be slightly reduced and thickened.

Once tea has cooled, strain. I use an antique colander for this, but a modern colander and spoon back would work fine. Squeeze all the liquid from the berries.

Pour the strained tea into a glass container. I used a 1/2 gallon Mason jar. Discard or compost the berries and ginger. Stir 1 1/2 cup of raw honey and 2 Tablespoons of fresh lemon juice into the strained tea. This is what forms the syrup consistency, and honey is known for its antimicrobial properties.

Tada! All done! The elderberry tea syrup will keep in the refrigerator in a glass jar for 3-4 months.

Dosing:

For adults– Take 1 Tablespoon per day for prevention. When sick, take 3 Tablespoons per day.

For children–Take 1 teaspoon per day for prevention. When sick, take 3 teaspoons per day.

I wish you a happy, HEALTHY, magical New Year!

For those days you need warmth and a hug, this vanilla almond matcha latte is like a warm hug in a mug. Really.

Scoop 1/2-1 teaspoon of Matcha powder into a mug or tea cup.

Bring 1/2 cup water to just boiling. Pour over matcha. Whisk until foamy with tea whisk. I’ve never tried, but I’m fairly certain you can use a small wire whisk instead of using a bamboo tea whisk. Set aside.

Heat 1/2 cup milk of your preference in a saucepan over medium high heat until steaming. Do not let it boil. Add 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract, 1/8 teaspoon almond extract, and 1 tablespoon of maple syrup. Whisk until foamy.

Pour over steeped matcha.

Gather a soft blanket, a book, your latte, and enjoy.

Intimidated by the green color? Don’t be! Matcha does have a strong flavor profile, so you may adjust it to your taste. If you’re unfamiliar with matcha, perhaps start with 1/2 teaspoon of matcha powder. When made into a latte, this tea is smooth and creamy. Also, you may use any milk, but my favorites for this latte are almond and/or whole fat coconut milk.

Warm, cozy comfort. ❤️

January. Before marriage, I dreaded the long, dark, frigid month. January. It’s the month after the long anticipated festivities of Christmas. Twinkling lights have been coiled and stored, glittery decor has been placed in the attic or garage, and it’s so very dark.

January days seem long and lonely, and January’s nights are even longer. When I think of the Januaries I used to dread, words such as “sad,” “dreary,” “bleak,” “cold,” “scary,” “dark,” and “time-consuming” come to mind.

Marriage has taught me so much. My husband has taught me numerous valuable lessons. Formal education wasn’t and isn’t a priority for him, but his life wisdom is mind blowing. He exemplified how to tolerate, to appreciate, and even to anticipate January. He’s the son of the man I wrote about before–the one who showed us to find the beauty in the grey. Rudy’s the son of the lady who found beauty in grey Januaries. And, my, there is so much lovely to peel back like onion layers.

My mother-in-law worked hard days, long days. Gardening daylight hours, sewing, caring for her family, and daily life consumed her time. Even there she found the beautiful in the ordinary. Rudy’s mother promised to work hard eleven months of the year, but January was to be her rest month. One peaceful month to look forward to hobbies and delights. A sabbath.

In my own ways, I’ve adopted her practice and have made January my sabbath. No more dread! I eagerly look forward to this cozy month now. I’ve found so many lovely things in January–Epiphany, Orthodox Christmas, New Year’s traditions, soul rest, new beginnings, time to read, space for hobbies, snuggling by the fire, earlier nights together, snow walks, feeding winter birds, letter writing, knitting, tasseled blankets and pillows, and sipping delicious teas. January is one of my very favorite times of year, and I now long for it’s quiet stillness throughout the year.

Already this month, my soul has quieted, and I’ve spent long hours wandering along wooded paths listening to God’s word. My sanctuary is beneath the trees. While I’m filling my lungs to capacity with delicious oxygenated air, His breath is filling my soul. There’s something spectacular about spending time with the Creator in His Creation.

Every January-Eve, I gather a blanket, candles, journal, pens, and tea. I reflect over the past year and set goals for the new year. It’s become a meditative practice. And, while resolutions are marvelous, I love the practice of writing out SOULutions as learned from Ann Voskamp. Part of my SOULutions is discovering a focus word for my year. This year’s main word is BRAVE with ALIGN being a supporting word. Brave? Brave is something we all need a bit more of, right? It’s incredible how many times I’ve found scripture, quotes, and photos about bravery and courage and letting go of fear these first 10 days of January.

If you dread January as I used to, I encourage you to step out of your comfort zone, face some fears, and find the magnificent in the grey. Make January your sabbath, your rest. Start a gratitude journal. Sip a new tea. Read a new book. Write a long letter to a friend. Bake a loaf (or two) of bread. Build a snowman. Snuggle long. Light a light and be the light.

We’re here in the third week of advent, the joy week. And last week? Last week was the peace week of advent, and mine, it was polar opposite of peaceful.

This year, I’d been longing for winter and advent and Christmas like no year before. My soul longed for winter’s hush, a slowing of the rush, quiet focus on Jesus, simplicity, and finding ways to be a gift to others.

First day of advent was a slice of Christmas. Warm lights twinkling, candles glowing, home perfumed with evergreen, and stillness made my heart sing. But like any calm before a violent storm, peace was shattered into a billion shards–quite literally.

Peace week, my peace week was tumultuous. Wave upon wave of heart crushing news, soul bruising words, and the weight of feeling unloved, unwelcome, and rejected because of the inability to live up to others’ expectations and standards. Ever been there? Let me share this; you will never, ever measure up, and neither will I. And you know what? We don’t have to keep climbing, keep fighting, keep struggling. Jesus came down to carry us up. I am weary, bone weary, of carrying the fear of breaking people’s rules and being rejected. I’ve been literally drowning in fear. But, He came down. He came down to the very depths to carry me. And all I had to do was trust. I didn’t have to legalistically keep rules and try to measure up because he is the Ruler.

Jesus and Jesus alone is the standard, the measure-er, the ruler.

Peace week. I spent mine writhing on the floor, screaming with absolute terror and relentless pain. Cleaning, organizing, letting go of clutter. That’s how I release emotional stress. I threw a picture frame across my art room, body wracking with the loud weeping. Glass shattered in a billion shards just like shattered peace. I crawled across the cold floor to sweep up the broken, and there was a shard, and all I could think was how the hurt, the pain, the shattered peace could end with that perfect razor sharp shard of broken glass.

Peace week. I spent mine contemplating suicide. It was, according to my doctor, a record long appointment. And for days, I couldn’t stop the tears gushing. Doctor said I’d need recurring injections–the price, $2000 per shot. Two. Thousand. Dollars. For. Every. Shot. On top of all else, that seemed a good enough reason to end my life. After all, Rudy already pays much of his income for my health. Paying this price seems unfair to he and Lily. So, Doctor sent me to my seventh doctor for this idiopathic-seeming condition.

It scares me thinking back to the peace week day I cradled that glass shard in my palm, considering it a life-ending tool. Because I really don’t want to die. There’s so much more love inside me to be given that I’m overwhelmed. I don’t want to die, but I was and am afraid to live. Living even seems selfish when it’s costing Rudy and Lily so much. And you just can’t put a band-aid on heartache. Peace week, I was nearly immobile. And, it was costly to my family. They went without eating because I couldn’t think of how to cook, much less actually carry out the task. Breathing hurt. And all I’d wanted was peace. I’d dreamed half the year of winter’s stillness to color with my little girl and read her Christmas stories, of baking bread, of sharing with the world’s homeless and forgotten. And, I couldn’t even move except to fake it through. That day, on the floor, tears streaming like rivers, God spoke the words from Romans 5:8 into my soul:

“I loved you at your darkest.”

Peace week. It’s gone for this advent. And, we’re here with joy week, to enjoy, en-joy, in-joy. How fascinating is it that enjoy comes from the Latin word, gaudere, meaning “rejoice?” Re-joy. And, then, the Old French word, enjoier, coming from the Latin gaudere, means to “give joy to.”

Enjoy. In-joy. I’m choosing each moment this week to be in joy.

Joy is being swept away by wonder and ushered into His presence.

This week, advent’s joy week, I have to re-joy, to pick up shattered peace pieces, and give them to the One who gives joy, is joy. When I re-joy, rejoice, praise, and pause in wonder, I am in joy. And, giving joy, being a gift, giving presence not presents, is joy-full.

That record long doctor appointment, it was a gift. Forced hours of quiet, stillness, and Jesus Emmanuel, ushered in this joy week. Re-joying, for me, looks like limiting and eliminating social media, taking long walks through the snow covered woods, cooking healthy meals for my little family, simplifying everything, building snow-girls with Lily, coloring and reading stories, slowing way down, letting expectations go, taking long baths, making homemade hot chocolate, praising, reflecting during advent readings, sipping immune support tea, and being utterly, unashamedly swept away in wonder.

Because in the wonder–that’s where Jesus is found, joy is found, and peace is found. Because He is peace, the Prince of Peace. And I can have peace because I don’t have to strive to measure up, meet expectations–He is the Ruler, the Peace Ruler.

Joy week. Joy week is joy filled, joy-full. And I want to share joy, joy of breath, joy of life, joy of Jesus. In the storm, I missed the Autumn giveaway. During that time, I focused a lot of awareness on fair trade (see previous blogs). To share joy with you and share life with fair trade artisans, I am going to hold a surprise fair trade themed giveaway, a little package of joy. To enter, comment below with ways you’re spending joy week and share this blog. I wish you a slow cup of tea by the Christmas tree, a joy-full week lost in wonder, and a very Merry Christmas. ❤️

A week or so ago, I received my first curated box from Mercy House Global. After their Home For the Holidays premiere, they had a limited fair trade box for sale. In it was all kinds of goodies and Christmas decorations crafted by people given dignified jobs from Mercy House. I opened the webcast box during my first ever live video. To view, click: https://www.facebook.com/lalia.boyd/videos/10162587811070445/

This morning, I was over-the-top excited to open my second box. Instead of opening this one live, I took photos of the items inside. These are going to very, very special people as Christmas gifts.

My favorite thing about these gorgeous gifts are the makers’ faces and names attached. These wares change lives, create dignified work, and eliminate child slavery. Just look how mind-blowingly beautiful.

Handcrafted paper and journals with art by a rescued teen mother in Kenya

Intricate paper bead bracelet made by Kenyan women

A matching memory game crafted by previously homeless women in Kenya. These women were taught how to sew felt and are now able to provide for their families! These games are Christmas gifts for Lily and my adorable nephews, Theodore and Thaddeus (apologies, Laura, for the spoiler).

Checkers game handmade by Beatrice from Kenya, a rescued teen mother. The sewn “board” has an attached zipper bag for game piece storage. The game pieces are bottle caps. The game folds into a light, little square and is tied with an attached ribbon for easy storage and travel. On a recent girls’ weekend, Lily learned to play checkers. As soon as I saw this in Mercy House Global Shop, I knew I wanted to give it to Lily for Christmas!

Fair trade coffee! And an absolutely stunning pompom wreath handmade from women living in one of the world’s largest trash dumps. This is face-caressing soft, and texturally lovely. I plan to use it prominently in my Christmas decor.

Really, does it get any closer to worldwide sisterhood than this? These ladies (and their families) create these marvelous wares that I can grace my home with or give as one-of-a-kind gifts. In turn, my purchases provides a dignified income to help them escape poverty and provide for their families. We give each other grace. We are in communion. Christ’s daughters. Sisters. United by grace.

I wish you merry, conscious, intentional Christmas shopping this year! Always tea with a cup of grace to go.

Tonight, it’s record breaking cold here in the Midwest. Forests are stooped in their snow-glistened robes. Earth is hushed, quiet. Somehow, life and time slows down for me when days are wintry. Sweet husband is keeping the cozy hearth alive, precious toddler-girl is dancing around, her golden hair wild. Beagle Bentley is ever looking for that hidden tidbit fallen to the hardwood floor. I’m here by the fire. There’s a steaming cup of Numi fair trade certified rooibos chai with coconut cream next to me. And, just now is the perfect time to share my heart with you.

It was several days ago now when I was sitting in this same place making Christmas gift lists. Probably a quarter of my life is spent drafting lists, but that’s a story for another time. So, I’m there with my list of names, jotting ideas beneath each one, and I realize the space beneath Lily’s name is startlingly blank. Oh, she’d circled a dozen or so toys from mainstream catalogues, but I didn’t know what she really wanted. We use the four-gift-rule where Lily receives something she wants, something she needs, something to wear, and something to read. I gathered her in my arms and asked her to share with me her one Christmas wish. She swiveled around, and her answer literally broke my heart, “I don’t want one thing! I don’t want just one thing. I want all those things I circled!” And my heart just about came undone considering the selfish, materialistic, cheap, disposable world our children live in. I was appalled by the messages my child is already getting from society–ingratitude, entitlement, selfishness, greed.

We had a long talk, Lily and I. Because I realized that part–MUCH–of her character is my fault. After our discussion, gone are the days where I allow her to choose a trinket or plaything from every shop. I’ve said goodbye to my own days of unaware, unintentional, impulse purchases. My daughter is watching me. She’s building her outlook, worldview, habits, and character by observation. I want her to become Christlike, virtuous, and wise. I desire for her to be selfless, generous, and aware of where her money is going and from where her purchases are coming. This precious teaching moment led to a forthcoming activity. She’s to take a box and fill it with toys she chooses to give to someone who has less. She’s learning thankfulness, giving, and how to bless others. If a toddler understands this simply beautiful concept, can’t we?

Around the same time I was writing out Christmas gift lists, I watched Mercy House Global’s Home For The Holidays premiere. This worship-filled segment was eye (and heart) opening and led to many research moments in the days afterward. Did you realize there are over forty million modern day slaves worldwide and that half of those are labor slaves? We are aware of, and loudly protest, sexual slavery (AND WE SHOULD!), but what about the items in our homes, foods, and beverages that foster child slavery and other labor slavery? Tears have overflowed as I read about the horrific conditions these people, our brothers and sisters, must endure. Did you know that children make up a quarter of those trafficked and the majority are female? Are we really any less selfish than my toddler wanting more? Only it’s worse, our excessive buying causes the slave markets to need more laborers and increase the hours of their already overworked laborers.

Mercy House Global combats slavery by teaching skills which provide dignified trades for women. This ministry taught me that I can help by purchasing fair trade products. Being the incessant list-drafter I am, I listed specific, personal benefits of buying fair trade certified items. And, let’s be honest, this is the time of year I usually practice careless, excessive spending, buying sacks full of plastic junk that receivers trash anyway. Surely you’ve been there, right?

Buying fair trade eliminates junk and saves money! Yesterday, Rudy and I went shopping for groceries and necessities. The number of things I considered and quickly placed back on the shelf because of potential slavery involvement was unbelievable. We saved money and the stress that comes with having excessive “stuff.” And, maybe, just maybe, we helped someone. Supporting fair trade certified companies helps eliminate child slavery and other forms of slave labor.

Did you know that just donating to impoverished people actually creates poverty? Until the past few days, I didn’t understand this either. It’s like the fishing concept: give a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day, teach a man to fish and he’ll live for a lifetime. You and I can purchase items crafted by artisans who were given jobs by ministries like Mercy House Global and Amazima Ministries.

Isn’t it beautiful? Isn’t it breathtakingly beautiful how we can directly connect to our brothers and sisters by supporting their dignified trades? We can help them live and thrive!

Another thing about shopping fair trade is that I can find well-made, unique, lovely gifts for others. These items tell beautiful stories. I get to “know” the makers, where they’re from, and their personal stories. How priceless is it to know that their precious hands held the item that now graces my home? I love giving these gifts and being able to tell the receiver of my gift the grace-story behind their present. It’s a bit magical, actually. And, if you lean more toward naturally healthy living, most fair trade products are sustainably, naturally made without chemicals.

The biggest markets that use labor slavery are coffee, sugar, cocoa, cotton, rice, and flowers. What?! Since watching Home For the Holidays, I’ve become hyper aware of things I have around me and the things I buy. Do you even realize how much we have that uses sugar, cocoa, cotton, and rice? What about our crazed love of coffee? For me, what about tea? Tea is another market that uses child labor slaves. And flowers? Flowers! This one blew my mind–flower markets that mass grow and harvest fresh-cut flowers use labor slaves. I’m heartsick. Really.

For the longest time, even before marrying my hardworking husband, I wanted my home to be, not a castle, but a sanctuary. A sanctuary of grace, of love, of peace. How better to design a sanctuary of grace than to fill it with things that tell a grace story? When I clean, I remember those living in the large slum in Ethiopia. I pray for the dear Indians who carved my cake stand and candlesticks. Each time I put on my colorful beads, I’m grateful those African girls have a home and can provide for their families. It’s a grace to look around and see the face of the maker of so much around me–chair hammock, nesting bowls, Christmas decorations, clothing, journals, kitchen utensils, soup mixes, handbags and market bags, candles, lip balm, soaps, linens, and just so much. This is grace. This is love. This is peace.

A decade ago, I met someone who changed my life, who saved my life, really. In a suicidal moment, I was appointed a therapist. We talked about deep things, about life, about troubling questions. I’d always been a bit haunted by wondering why I had so much when others had so little. Where was God’s fairness? I remember her slow smile, how it spread across her face and the light literally pouring from her eyes, her soul-windows. She knew.

We are blessed so we can be the blessing. God gave much to me, not so I can hoard or keep gaining for myself, but so I can give. I can live given and be a gift. There isn’t supposed to be such an imbalance, but a sharing. This is community. This is communion. This is how we can be the hands and feet and heart of Jesus.

So, Lily and I, we’re on a bit of a mission, a grace mission. We’re learning moment by moment true thankfulness for what we have and gratitude and humility that our great God, who breathed stars into existence, called us to bless others. We’d love to have you join us! You don’t have to overhaul your home and start anew, just start now. Maybe start with this holiday season and shop consciously and intentionally. There are so many opportunities to share grace: make gifts and home products, buy handmade items, shop from local or small personal businesses, visit farmer’s markets, buy secondhand, support ministries such as Amazima, Grace Crafted Home, and Mercy House Global. A little research and awareness goes a long, long way.

Bentley’s snuggled warm against my legs. I’d become so passionate in sharing my heart with you, I just noticed chilled toes. My tea and the fire has gone cold. Rudy’s tending the fire, and Lily has fallen asleep. I’d love to hear your heart, your story. We’re quiet, here, cocooned in our sanctuary of grace. His sanctuary.

Here is a list (always a list, right?) of resource links:

• mercyhouse.wpengine.com (list of fair trade companies)
• mercyhouseglobal.org
• gracecraftedhome.org
• amazima.org

There’s just something breathtakingly beautiful about flaming crimson and golden autumn leaves with a backdrop of charcoal sky. Up ahead on the leaf-carpeted path, wee Lily stoops to pick up a prized leaf. Somewhere along the way, she chokes back a cry, “Mommy! I dropped it.” We backtrack to retrieve the tiny, dried, unattractive leaf. This one wasn’t golden yellow ochre, brilliant pumpkin orange, or burning red. This one was ordinary. Ugly. Dead.

The story’s told how my artist father-in-law complained in his youth to his mother about the dreary, gray day. In my vivid imagination, he’s looking forlornly out the window at the bleak, earth-kissing clouds. Thick. Heavy. Gray. And his mother’s reply burns through the generations and the marriages, and sears into my very soul:

“There’s beauty in the gray. Find the beauty in the gray, Son. Find gratitude.”

Another autumn day, a year past, I bundled us up and set out to find the glorious vibrant-colored leaves. There was a grove I’d remembered in the woods, so we headed for those trees first. An hour later and disappointed that the leaves weren’t as magnificent as I’d remembered, we trudged home. Ungrateful, I pushed the stroller along the driveway and tugged Bentley’s leash–Beagle noses are stubborn–as I saw something from the corner of my eye. Stooping low, my heart literally sang as I took a closer look. There in my own front yard was the very leaves I’d wanted. A gift, a gentle grace, from my God.

That afternoon I learned about gratitude in a most undeserving, yet merciful, way. When we become dissatisfied or ungrateful for what we have, maybe, just maybe, we can’t even see the beauty that is ours, the beauty that we have. God gave my ungrateful heart a beautiful gift with the desired leaves, but also with the lesson to see and appreciate what is right there in front of me. When I’m looking elsewhere for more, I’m unable to see, utterly blinded to, all I have, which is so often just exactly what I need.

That dried up, ugly leaf Lily chose? It was seen by her, loved by her, and treasured by her. She saw the beauty and value in the overlooked. All the leaves to her are “so precious.” And aren’t they really? Aren’t we all?

So, you and me, let’s find the beauty in the gray. Let’s pick up and display a perfectly imperfect leaf. Let’s find someone overlooked to see and love. And let’s cherish and give thanks for all we have. Isn’t that real beauty? Isn’t it incredible how when we’re grateful for all we have, we have all we need?

We’re on a dirt path that’s gently snaking through the woods. She’s running, carefree, a few paces ahead. Laughter is bubbling out of her making up for the dry creek bed nearby. There isn’t a solitary concern in her three-year-old mind of any lurking danger. Mom says to me, quiet, almost as a sigh, “I wish I could just be carefree like her. Nothing to worry about. Just laugh and play.” Me too, Mom. Me too.

And, I’ve thought about that moment over and over. Because, why can’t we have this freedom? This carefree joy? Almost every argument I make to justify my worry, my anxiety, my fear is gently refuted by my Jesus. Hang on a moment. Make a cup of tea (it’s an iced coconut mango for me this afternoon), sit in a cozy place, and feed your soul on Matthew 6.

Jesus, here, is telling us exactly how to have this childlike faith, this running carefree. There’s a quote from The Message Bible that I love.

“…careless in the care of God…” vs. 26

Just breathe that in for a while. I can be care-less because I am in God’s care. Jesus goes on to describe how God cares for the earth, and how He will take care of us.

“Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions….you’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.” Matthew 6:33 The Message

There was a curve coming up, a winding among the trees where I’d lose sight of her. I called out, “Don’t get too far ahead. Make sure you can always see Mommy.” She felt free to run ahead because of trust. Mommy was watching nearby, guiding the way, but allowing her rapturous joy. She was safe. But safe doesn’t always mean a lack of hardships or rough patches or skinned knees.

We’d emerged from the trees, barely. Soft, dirt path turned to hard, black asphalt. There was an accident. A stumble. A fall. A painfully scraped knee. A big “boo boo.” There was hurt-screams and loud wails. Carefree hurts sometimes. But, she wasn’t left alone. Her mother and grandmother ran to her, picked her up, held her close, cleaned the wound, and met her needs.

I can be care-free and care-less and joy-full because I can trust that my God is watching me. When I fall, He runs to me, rushing to tenderly meet my needs. Trust is there because of His proven love.

Days later my little girl is running carefree down the path again. Knee still scabbed, paces ahead, she looks back at me, “Coming, Mommy?” There’s hurt, but there’s an even greater trust. She runs knowing that I’m watching, and that if she falls, I will hold her in my arms. Carefree trust.

It’s said that sweet tea is a balm for heartache. But what about when the weight of your heart’s burdens have crushed your heart into such a bloody pulp that you can’t remember how to breathe, much less remember to sip sweet tea? What about when your heart is shredded and shattered until there is no conceivable means to put the pieces back together? And what if you’re so broken and so lonely that you can’t even try?

My sisters were here today. Laughter, chatter, and sunshine followed us. We celebrated one’s birth with pineapples, cousins played, and new baby bunnies were discovered. Life. Full.

That sister whose birth we just celebrated? She just walked onboard the airplane that will carry her back to her life. And the other sister? Her little, blue car just slowly backed out of the drive to return she and my sweet, tiny nephew back to their lives.

Our home is quiet. Empty. Lonely. Three doggies are napping. Lily is playing. There are vintage toys scattered across floor, party food to be put away, and dirty dishes to be washed. Paints are lined up like toy soldiers in shades of yellow and green, paintbrushes in wide-mouth mason jar. Six blank, stark white canvases. Empty. Canvases waiting for whimsical pineapples to be brushed into life. But, we had such a full, lovely day; there was no time left for painting.

Now, they’re gone. And there’s this ache in my core, my center, my heart that’s been there a while. Their visit brought reprieve. The walls and halls echo loneliness.

Three days ago, Lily and I set out into the Midwest sunset. With windows down, we drove among the fields for the twenty-or-so-minute drive to Mom’s and Dad’s to care for chickens and gardens. Driving against that colossal golden sky, I felt so alone. Heart aching.

And where do you turn when there’s no one to turn to? When there’s no one to sit down and share with over a glass of sweet tea? Tears flowing, all I could wonder is, “What’s wrong with me?” “Why doesn’t anyone want to know me, really know me?” I’ve never felt as uninvited, left out, or alone as I do at this stage of life. I often wish to move somewhere new and begin again. Been there?

Music was low as I drove and mused. Breaking into my pain-filled thoughts drifted the opening line, “I keep fighting voices in my head that say I’m not enough; Every single lie that tells me I will never measure up…” from Lauren Daigle’s song “You Say.”

There was no instantaneous, magical emotional healing. But, that moment, I knew I was held. I was assured that my Creator God knows me and wants to know me. Intimately. And I can believe.

Fed and watered, all seventeen chickens were thankful-happy. Parched tomatoes soaked up cool, life-giving water as much as my dry, empty soul soaked up my God’s love for me. And, I’m still thirsty. Desperately thirsty. This time, sweet tea isn’t and wasn’t the healing balm.

Picking sweet basil and dill, Lily and I found a caterpillar. Yellow, verdant, white, with tiny black dots. Gorgeous. We brought little caterpillar home and created a dill-packed habitat. Getting into the car for home-drive, God made certain I not only knew, but felt His immense, intense love–the same song was playing again. “You say I am loved when I can’t feel a thing…and when I don’t belong, oh, You say I am Yours.”

So, my sisters are back to their lives, and there’s this mason jar of dill here. Caterpillar is in his chrysalis. Alone. Waiting. Resting. Maybe lonely. But, he’s held. And when the lonely period is over, he’s going to emerge a glorious butterfly and soar.

As I write, I’m sipping Ahmad Tea’s Black Current with a couple drops of stevia and a bit of grass fed cream. Comfort in a cup! Usually, I put in just a tiny dash of cream, but today, the container slipped and spilled. I couldn’t waste that deliciousness! Right?

Lily’s nap time is often my tea time. During this afternoon’s tea, I’m catching up on some reading, journaling, letter writing, and gratitude. Gratitude and positivity go marvelously with black current tea. My musings:

Life. Life can be so overwhelming at times. Due to some nights without sleep lately, I slept in today. I woke to Rudy and Lily doing dishes together. I chose to lay aside the schedule and enjoy my day—choosing happiness in the chores. I’ve had FUN nursing a sick bunny, harvesting herbs, giving treats to the other bunnies and chickens, cleaning the house floors with Lily, teaching Lily about shapes and our solar system, cooking a deliciously healthy lunch, making art from my dried anniversary bouquet, reading to Lily, patting the puppies, making our bed with lavender, pressing fresh flowers, and kissing Rudy off to work. Today is a lovely day!

While preparing a breakfast tea with a dear friend, or, rather, watching Evangeline prepare it, we discussed how the brain and our thoughts influence our health and outcomes. I believe there’s truth to this concept. In the day’s rush, I often forget to enjoy the moment, appreciate my work, and, well, just have plain old fun in the everyday routine. So, today, the plan is to change that. Care to join me?

Here are a few ideas to help you begin your journey to positivity, gratitude, and joy:

• Make time for a proper tea time
• Light candles
• Pick or purchase a bouquet of flowers
• Use the “fancy” dishes
• List 5 blessings each day
• Smile at a stranger
• Forgive, including yourself
• Notice nature
• Find unique ways to make your work fun
• Leave love notes
• When upset with someone, think of 3 positive attributes of that person
• Read a new book
• Get out in the sunshine
• Give an unexpected gift
• Feed your family a fresh, healthy meal
• Try something new

And most importantly, CHOOSE to be positive and grateful. Watch how your life and perspective changes. Think and believe: Today IS a lovely day! Drop a comment if you’d like to share ways you find joy in the ordinary. ❤️