Self-sufficiency is one of those modern day buzz words that seems to be the bow that ties the tidy package of living off-grid, having ample savings, raising and growing food, future prepping, and being independent. Sounds like a dream, right? But is it really? Let’s zoom in on Habakkuk 2.

Habakkuk 2:2 begins God’s answer to Habakkuk’s second complaint. Remember, Habakkuk was the questioning prophet who lived around 600 years before Jesus was born (see previous blog). God is answering Habakkuk with a vision of the Babylonian Exile. Here, He instructs Habakkuk to write the vision. And right smack in the middle of all this doom and gloom comes hope! Because doesn’t our faithful God always provide for hope? In verse 4 (ESV) God promises, “Behold, his soul is puffed up; it is not upright within him, but the righteous shall live by his faith” (emphasis mine).

What does that mean? Why is it so full of hope? Let’s read on. Verses 5-17 detail more of the coming destruction and devastation. Then we come to verses 18-20 (ESV):

“What profit is an idol when its maker has shaped it, a metal image, a teacher of lies?

For its maker trusts in his own creation when he makes speechless idols!

Woe to him who says to a wooden thing, Awake; to a silent stone, Arise!

Can this teach?

Behold, it is overlaid with gold and silver, and there is no breath at all in it.

But the LORD is in his holy temple; let all the earth keep silence before him.”

Zooming in even closer, “its maker trusts in his own creation…and there is no breath at all in it” (Habakkuk 2:18-19, ESV). And I catch my own breath as I digest this—am I putting more hope and trust and energy into what I’ve created (or gardened or canned or raised or dreamed or saved) than I am putting into God to sustain me? Scripture indicates that even the fanciest, top-of-the-line securities and idols cannot save or profit us. And looking at the Babylonian Exile and other events, we see that history supports scripture.

Self-sufficiency isn’t sustainable. The only thing that has been, is, and ever will be sustainable is God-sufficiency.

Because God is sufficient and alive, we don’t have to rely on ourselves. Self-sufficiency, well, it’s never sufficient. Our creations have no breath, no life outside of God. Jesus declared, “I AM the Life.” Because of Jesus, we have ever-present hope. We can live with hope because we’re no longer dependent on our own sufficiencies, but we’re living our faith—living fully dependent on God.

I imagine that being God-sufficient, and even this counter-cultural idea, looks differently for everyone. And I know, I know, the idea is intimidating. What does laying down your drive toward self-sufficiency look like? How does it feel? Now, how does it feel to embrace living a God-sufficient life, embracing complete dependence on Him? What does it look like? How does your perspective shift?

For my little family, choosing to be God-sufficient rather than self-sufficient has been humbling. And the road has been excruciating at times, but we’ve never, ever been alone. The blessings that brokenness bring far outweigh the pain. We have witnessed miracles that will be passed down through generations.

We’ve chosen to homeschool for several deeply personal reasons, and that alone is a sacrifice. Even homeschooling is costly—financially and time-wise. Living on one seasonal income is hard. So hard.

Imagine, it’s December 1, and you notice your bank account has just under $200.00, yes, two hundred dollars, and that’s literally all you have, and your mortgage payment is due, which is considerably more than $200.00. So, you text your husband and ask if he made the house payment, hoping he says, “yes,” because you have a dozen people to buy Christmas gifts for, groceries for the week to purchase, and utility bills to pay. And, oh, there’s an unexpected vet bill and medications and because your husband’s work is seasonal, he has no work in the foreseeable future. And, the oven stopped working and his mower broke (essential for a landscaper) and the weight was crushing the breath right out of me. And, and, and….. He didn’t say the yes I was so hoping to hear; he said, “not yet.”

How would we make the payment? How could I have surprises for my little girl on Christmas morning? How would I feed my family and our animals? How would we pay the utility bills? How could we save for a new oven and mower part when we absolutely had nothing to even save? Should I send our little girl to school and start working outside our home? All these thoughts played on repeat in my mind day and night until I’d utterly exhausted myself.

Did you read all the “I’s” above? I was trying to fix everything. I was trusting in my own self-sufficiency. Had I been God-sufficient, I would’ve had much less anxiety. Becoming God-sufficient isn’t easy, and it’s a practice in humility. I had to lay down my pride and receive help. I’m a giver, so receiving is like pulling teeth for me; it’s awkward and uncomfortable. But it’s a beautiful blessing. I shared, with no details, in my small group that my husband needed work, and we prayed together. I shared with a close soul-sister. And I released.

On a Wednesday night mid-December, I told my husband we were putting all the uncertainties into a box, wrapping it in gorgeous imaginary paper, sealing it with a bright, red bow, and giving it to God. The only thing left was to communicate with God and trust Him completely. And the miracles came tumbling in—only God. Don’t you even tell me He can’t do it, because I’ve seen Him, over and over and over again.

An anonymous angel delivered an abundance of surprises for my little girl for Christmas, everything a little girl could dream of! A friend helped me buy groceries and some gifts. Two generous souls paid for the very expensive mower part. A friend surprised us with a new oven and so much more. Work started coming in from a suggestion from a friend in my small group. And God’s bank paid all our bills. I don’t even know how, but I’ve seen miracles that would blow your mind.

God Math—it’s real. I get it; when you read the memory of Jesus feeding 5000 with just a bit of fish and bread from one boy’s lunch and there being 12 full baskets leftover, it seems just like ancient folklore. But when you live it and actually witness it, it’s powerful. Those recorded memories from Jesus’ friends take on significant meaning and authenticity. For us, all year, God has taken just under $200.00 and has used that to sustain us. You see, what I didn’t tell you is that our bank account started in January a year ago with $196.00. Winter is oh-so-hard for us. And mid-winter, there was a tax mistake that the tax service didn’t note, which resulted in an unexpected $5000+ adjustment. Remember, we had less than $200. And there has rarely been a time all last year that I saw the bank account creep above $200. But God. My family is warm and fed. We have all we need. Had I tried to keep finding a solution and depending on my own sufficiency, I doubt we’d be where we are now. And I know we wouldn’t have witnessed miracles and established connections, and developed deeper friendships. No, those blessings came because we chose to be God-sufficient.

I love this quote by Philip Yancey in his book, The Jesus I Never Knew:

“With nowhere else to turn, the desperate just may turn to Jesus, the only one who can offer the deliverance they long for…maybe, just maybe, the desperate person will cry out to God for help. If so, that person is truly blessed.”

Yancey goes on to state, “poor people find themselves in a posture that befits the grace of God. In their state of neediness, dependence, and dissatisfaction with life, they may welcome God’s free gift of love…they are more naturally dependent, because they have no choice; they must depend on others simply to survive.”

Mid-December, someone assured me that if we needed anything, all I had to do was ask. And I remember tapping out a message sharing the incomprehensibility of God Math and detailing the miracles keeping us afloat. And I wrote something I believed with all my heart and still hold to—if I get too comfortable, there’s this very real possibility I’d feel self-sufficient. While being God-sufficient is hard and painful at times, I never want to not need Him. I’ve drawn so close to Him because I’ve had to. God is all I had. And no matter what, I never want to drift away. I know I’m seen and held and carried and loved and sustained. I’ve seen the miracles. And they’re too good to not believe.

No longer will I strive to be self-sufficient. From now on, I choose to be God-sufficient.

This is one of the most vulnerable blogs I’ve written—utterly humiliating. But it isn’t about me; it’s about sharing God for His glory. I didn’t do any of that. He did it! There was that self-sufficient paragraph above with all the “I” questions. I want to shift that to a God-sufficient perspective in answering those same questions.

God, in His limitless generosity, made our house payment. God creatively sent Christmas surprises. God provided food and necessities. God supplied money for the utility bills. God used others to bless us with an oven and means for a mower part. God whispered through His Word that I am to be still; I am right where He wants me.

It really is so sweet to just trust in Jesus. There is life, abundant life, in Him. So for me, I’m choosing God-sufficiency. And in God’s incredibly upside-down kingdom, we received the gift of being able to bless others in need. ❤️