Purpose.

These days I seem to be bombarded with the question of purpose. And it’s a struggle, really, because I’m quickly approaching year 40, and still haven’t decided what I’m supposed to be when I grow up. I’ve read Rick Warren’s The Purpose Driven Life…more than once. Guess what? I still don’t know my definitive purpose.

More than two decades ago, I overheard a mother share that her daughter lived life to its fullest. Something happened that moment—I purposed to live my life to the fullest. That didn’t mean that I’d master everything, but I would try to experience as much as possible. Over the next two-plus decades, I’ve worn many unique hats and have experienced some wild adventures. I’ve tucked many, many skills into my life tool belt, but, for the past couple years I’ve been disturbed by this feeling that I don’t have one specific purpose. Because I determined to live a full life, learning and studying as much as possible, I have much to give, but am overwhelmed by not knowing which particular area to serve. Do I write? Serve in music? Provide hospitality? Do I create art to sell? Go on mission trips? Feed the homeless? Sew, knit, and crochet for the unclothed? I don’t know. It’s exhausting.

But what I do know is this: I don’t have to be remarkable at any of those things to be used. So I’ve decided,

I want to be wax. Beeswax.

Wax? What? Why? Beeswax is phenomenal. A diligent, conscientious beekeeper knows the enormous value of beeswax for both the hive and the keeper. In the beekeeping world, it’s often said (and meant!) that wax is like gold. It’s utterly essential to a thriving colony. But—hear this—wax doesn’t serve just one purpose. Wait. What?! There’s actually something with multiple purposes that is invaluable? I want to be like that, like wax.

To better perceive the value of wax, an understanding of wax production is necessary. Do you know how bees produce wax? This is mind blowing. Our Creator’s intricate details just shout His glory! [Yes, I’m passionate—about bees and Jesus!] Each worker bee has eight wax producing glands (4 pairs) on her abdomen. But get this! To produce just 1 pound of wax, the bees have to consume 8-12 pounds of honey and visit over 30 million flowers! Hive temperature needs to be 86-98.6 degrees Fahrenheit; through über cool (pun intended) behaviors, honeybees keep the hive at a constant 93-97 degrees Fahrenheit year round. They’re un-bee-lievable, but, then again, nature always points back to the magnificence of Creator God!

Survival, for the honeybee, is dependent upon wax. Bees use wax cells to raise brood, store honey and other nutrient resources, and to make queen cells. See? One essential substance, but that one substance has multiple uses. I want to be wax—willing to be used where needed.

Bees need wax to survive, but the excess wax is like gold to we beekeepers as well. Again, this repurposed wax has multiple valuable uses.

A few months ago, as I was really wrestling with this concept of purpose, I went for a longer-than-usual prayer walk. Crossing 111th Street to find my trail, my Abba whispered in a uniquely creative way, “You know that old, dirty, black, broken, used up, dried out wax you’ve been rendering? Well, that’s how I work too. I take what you felt was too broken, too used up, and I refine that and make you pure and usable like gold.”

And I paused, right there along 111th Street, tears pouring, because this, this, I understood. My God is personal, and He’s marvelously creative, and He chases after us in ways we know could only be Him. That ugly, black, useless wax, when melted and rendered, becomes a pure, golden product with indispensable value. It really is like gold.

There are so many ways to render beeswax, but they all require heat and melting. Remember that conversation I had with God, there along 111th Street? He wasn’t finished teaching me. Standing there, because who could move when God has just blown their mind, He continued, “when you render wax, it’s kind of like how I test and refine you. Instead of a solar (sun) wax melter, you’re SON melted. Proven pure and genuine, you, too, are ready to serve.” Awestruck. Really, though, “awestruck” doesn’t even come close to how I felt. Seen. Loved. Valued.

1 Peter 1:7 (MSG) “Pure gold put in the fire comes out of it proved pure, genuine faith put through this suffering comes out proved genuine.”

Zechariah 13:9 (NIV) “…I will put into the fire; I will refine them like silver and test them like gold.”

After honey harvest a few weeks ago, I made a solar wax melter out of items I found at home. And my scrappy contraption worked brilliantly! The black, broken wax, melted (changed form) by the sun, filtered through cheesecloth, and hardened into pure, golden wax. One of the most vital uses for rendered wax is using it directly in the hive. I paint melted wax on frame foundation to give the bees a boost when they’re drawing comb. This stimulates their natural production (see any life application parallels here?). Other neat purposes for beeswax are candlemaking, cosmetics, furniture polish, encaustic painting, food storage wraps, and many others.

Malachi 3:2-4 (MSG) “He’ll be like white-hot fire from the smelter’s furnace….He’ll take his place as a refiner of silver….refine them like gold and silver, until they’re fit for God, fit to present offerings of righteousness.”

This certainly sounds like a SON melter to me! Without heating and skimming, there’s no purifying. Isaiah says, “I’ve refined you, but not without fire. I’ve tested you like silver in the furnace of affliction” (48:10 MSG). Going through affliction in the refining process is painful, but this is exactly where the miracle happens. And staying steadfast, you’re proved pure.

Job 23:10 (NIV) “But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold.”

That prayer walk conversation with God on a pink sunset filled sky in May wasn’t an isolated event. Since that moment, purpose has been synchronously popping up, always a God-whispered affirmation that I can be like wax.

From the moment our little family walked through the doors 3-ish years ago, our church has felt like home. I’ve never, ever felt more of a sense of belonging than I felt that first time (and still feel) at Northview Church. That place truly is a house of miracles, but that’s a story for another cup of tea some other time. This past Sunday, sitting there in the front row next to strangers who felt like family, Pastor CJ announced his title for the message, “I’ve Got Options.” My ears perked up! Options! I started scribbling his words as quickly as I could until I heard the phrase, “purpose anxiety.” My heart started racing, and I could only sit there for a few beats stunned. Options. Purpose. Purpose anxiety. This new term very much described my ongoing battle to find my purpose. Attention rapt, I captured as much of Pastor CJ’s message as I could. Because here’s the thing—when you ask your God for something specific, and it aligns with HIS purpose, expect it.

Before quoting Pastor CJ, I asked his permission to share some of his message here, but here’s what I didn’t tell him:

Early Sunday morning, I prayed specifically for my pastor, that he would be willing to be a vessel for Holy Spirit and that the Spirit would speak through him. And, y’all, God heard and answered in a mighty way. I know that I’m not the only one with purpose anxiety and the need to know “I’ve got options.”

Before outlining 4 ways the apostle Paul guides us via Colossians 3-4 in knowing our purpose (or options), Pastor CJ stated something I’ll never forget, “if I do the small things like they’re big things, He’ll do the big things like they’re small things.” Just wow. Our God is that good.

I’ve been thinking of the “guardrails,” as Pastor CJ terms Paul’s guidelines to knowing purpose, as being in the SON melter. These are the action steps I can take to prove genuine and ready for my purpose:

• Be ruled by peace
• Be rooted in scripture
• Be reinforced by praise
• Be regulated by honor

Johnson, CJ. July 23, 2023. Northview Church.

Just as the filthy, useless wax is filtered, to know my purpose, I need to filter everything through feelings of peace, scripture, and discerning what honors God. And all the while, I praise because “I’ve got options” and I can be like wax.

Oh! Something remarkable—both honey and beeswax have an indefinite shelf life. Gold, indeed.

To Pastor CJ, Thank you for your willingness to allow me to share your words, thoughts, and teaching creativity. I appreciate you sharing your heart and being used by God to teach and grow us. Know this, like Esther, you’re here for such a time as this, and when the enemy fights the hardest—that’s how you know you’re exactly where you should be, doing exactly what you should be doing. Thank you for enduring the afflictions to be proven pure and genuine. I’m grateful. Blessings to you & your family, Lalia