Motherhood. What images and feelings does the word evoke in you? How would you describe mothering? My guess is you’re imaging home cooked meals, a gentle hand on your fevered brow, stories, many tender kisses on incessant scrapes and bruises, fresh laundry, and loving embraces when your heart ached. Mothering to me fully embraces femininity the way God designed. As women, we were made in God’s image to reflect and exemplify His feminine characteristics such as nurturing. And as mothers, we are definitely nurturers.

These days, though, motherhood seems to be devalued or even viewed as an atrocity. How tragic. Recent news is breaking my heart and sending shockwaves throughout the world. Ironically, feminists are large supporters of legalized abortion and forsaking motherhood to pursue careers. In her book Redeeming the Feminine Soul, Julie Roys states, “True feminism would embrace the essential God-designed differences between the sexes and uphold the natural family. And it would seek to restore motherhood in the eyes of the culture and the church, promoting it as an essential component of a flourishing society, as well as a high spiritual calling….It would stop treating motherhood as a hobby or part-time job and would elevate it to a place of prominence and respect.”

I’ve been reading this book because of all the guilt and confusion I’ve personally felt for deciding to put aside my nursing career to be a stay at home mother. Being the lady God created me to be is fundamental, and I want to learn to be that lady. Maybe your soul longs to embrace your femininity as well? Let me pause here to say that you don’t have to be a mother to be the lady God dreamed you’d become. I’m just sharing my story and truths I’ve learned because mothering has been on my mind lately. Motherhood hasn’t been all tea parties and cupcakes for me, though those times are delightful and important. I loved my chosen career–nursing. And, I was able to use my God-given nurturing nature in the clinical environment. I miss nursing so badly that I’ve felt a physical ache at times. But then, I watch my little girl’s face light up as I teach her something new or she discovers a new phrase, and I feel so soul-satisfied and fulfilled. There have been intense moments of guilt and shame as I’ve heard the whispers about my wasting my education, talents, and the money I spent to become a nurse. Perhaps today’s society has shaped that perspective; I don’t know. What I do know with my whole broken heart is this:

“Once a woman becomes a mother, she has no greater kingdom purpose than molding the life of her child. That child, for whom Christ gave His life, is dependent on her for his or her well-being. And there is no one else on the face of the earth who can play the role that a mother plays in the life of her child” (Roys, 2017).

There are unique circumstances where mothers must work outside the home. I get that–if it’s an absolute necessity and not just a selfish ambition. If insufficient income is the issue, are there budget cuts that could be made? I’m not here to guilt-trip anyone, but I am also not going to be shamed because I choose to stay home and nurture and train my child. Unfortunately, “when mothers are regularly absent, their children suffer profoundly” (Roys, 2017). Roys goes on to say “experts in child development now recognize that a young child’s need for her mother is as strong as the need for food, so separating from her for extended periods of time can be traumatic.” That research was eye-opening for me. I realize I have a tremendous responsibility to my daughter. While I miss nursing, and always planned to be a “career girl,” being a stay at home mother has helped me embrace my feminine role in ways I never imagined. I love it!

I feel that as mothers, our primary responsibility is to our children. As noted above, their well-being physically and emotionally is is dependent on us being readily available to them. Sure, it hasn’t always been easy and has been one sacrifice after another, but the privilege to be with my daughter always is worth it. My child is worth more than having the latest gadgets, experiencing all the entertainments, and keeping up with the Jones’s. Motherhood hasn’t robbed me of my identity, it has shaped my identity. Yes, we regularly have tea and occasionally bake cupcakes, but we also work together, play together, pray together, and learn together. No, no one else can replace my role as her mother, and I don’t want her to; God chose me to mother my child.

Roys, Julie. Redeeming the Feminine Soul. Nelson Books, 2017.